What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and...

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

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But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Is it true that most Indian men are gay and they just hide their feelings?

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Isn't it a turn on to have sex with a girl in a skirt or in a tight spandex?

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

TEXT:

If a narcissist can't feel remorse, can they ever feel regret for an evil act after going to rehab?

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

When have you been in an accident where the other person involved blatantly lied to the police about what transpired?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Do Republicans realize that the power of the people is invested in 'representative government'? If so, why did they elect a pathological liar?

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

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In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

What was the most inappropriate thing your parent caught you doing as a teen? Was in the bedroom, I thought nobody else was home. My sister and I shared that bedroom but I knew she was gone. I didn’t know my dad was home though.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Make Nazis afraid again!

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

What makes you different?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

If the Red Pill is supposed to be so bad, why are so many young men buying into it? What about Red Pill makes it appealing to them?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.